"From my dear friend Lew Shaw"

The truth hurts .

Someone had to remind me, so I 'm reminding you, too.

Perks of reaching
50
or being over
60
and heading
toward
70!

1.
Kidnappers
Are not very
Interested in you.

2.
In a hostage situation,
You are likely to be
Released first.

3.
No one expects
You to run --
Anywhere.

4.
People call at 9 PM
And ask,
'Did I wake you? '

5.
People no longer
View you as a
Hypochondriac.

6.
There is nothing left
To learn the hard way.

7.
Things you buy now
Won ' t wear out..

8.
You can eat
Supper at 4 PM..

9.
You can live
'without sex
But not your glasses.

11.
You no longer think
Of speed limits
As a challenge.

12.
You quit trying
To hold
Your stomach in
No matter who walks
Into the room.

13..
You sing along
With elevator music.

14.
Your eyes
Won ' t get
Much worse.

15.
Your investment
In health insurance
Is finally beginning
To pay off..

16.
Your joints are more
accurate meteorologists
Than the national
Weather service.

17.
Your secrets are safe
With your friends
Because they can ' t
Remember them either.

18.
Your supply of brain cells
Is finally down to
A manageable size.

19..
You can ' t remember
Who sent you this list..

And you notice
These are all
In big print
For your convenience.

Forward this
To everyone
You can remember
Right now!

ONE MORE THING:

Never,
Under any circumstances,
Take a sleeping pill,
And a laxative on
The same night!